I am a sucker for lists, tests, questions, thinking. I was stumbling around in some old emails around 2010 and found this link. I took the test again today. Same results – INFJ:
INFJs are conscientious and value-driven. They seek meaning in relationships, ideas, and events, with an eye toward better understanding of themselves and others. Using their intuitive skills, they develop a clear and confident vision, which they then set out to execute, aiming to better the lives of others. Like their INTJ counterparts, INFJs regard problems as opportunities to design and implement creative solutions.
INFJs can adapt easily in social situations due to their complex understanding of an individual’s motivations; however, they are true introverts. INFJs are private individuals who prefer to exercise their influence behind the scenes. Though they are very independent, INFJs are intensely interested in the well-being of others. INFJs prefer one-on-one relationships to large groups. Sensitive and complex, they are adept at understanding complicated issues and driven to resolve differences in a cooperative and creative manner.
INFJs have a rich, vivid inner life that they may be reluctant to share with those around them. Nevertheless, they are congenial in their interactions and perceptive of the emotions of others. Generally well liked by their peers, they may often be considered close friends and confidants by most other types; however, they are guarded in expressing their own feelings, especially to new people, and tend to establish close relationships slowly. INFJs tend to be easily hurt, though they may not reveal it (except to their closest companions). INFJs may “silently withdraw as a way of setting limits” rather than expressing their wounded feelings—a behavior that may leave others confused and upset.
INFJs tend to be sensitive, quiet leaders with a great depth of personality. They are intricately, deeply woven, mysterious, highly complex, and often puzzling, even to themselves. They have an orderly view toward the world but are internally arranged in a complex way that only they can understand. Abstract in communicating, they live in a world of hidden meanings and possibilities. With a natural affinity for art, INFJs tend to be creative and easily inspired, yet they may also do well in the sciences, aided by their intuition
This pleases me to no end. I’m not sure why, except maybe I feel more justified, or more sure of myself. Even in 2010, I didn’t quite feel sure of who I was. It makes me happy that I feel much more sure now, and that I’m still me. It’s not that I’ve changed really at all, just evolved more into who I am & who I’m comfortable being. What a relief. To not always feel like I should be something else. I’m decently neat, you know. Just being me. And note: I am much, much more happy now than I was in 2010! Funny that I was still writing here, then.
So going from there – it’s been a heck of a month! And a last few months. And this year! I honestly can’t believe that the beginning of this year was still part of this year. I mean, shit. In January I was just getting over pneumonia (the sickest I’ve ever been, ever) and then I immediately hurt myself & dealt with that for months. For the most part, it doesn’t bother me at all anymore — how amazing is that. What a relief. Not like I’ve been doing crossfit (or even.. anything.. ah, shit). But, it’s nice not to hurt. For months there, I would literally lay on the floor at work, to try to relax the pain a bit. I was hazy on pain killers. It was a weird few months, there. I spent a lot of time seeing different doctors. Trying a (scammy) chiropractor — would not recommend. X-rays. I went to an old Chinese acupuncturist, on Valentine’s day. His office was like grandma’s house. Saw a spine doctor, had a super fun MRI — both my mom & Lee went with me. It was neat. I felt special. Haha. Yeah, so weird — that was my life earlier this year.
I started school (!). I switched schools (?). I’ve honestly spent a little less time with school than I planned, lately. It’s all a work in process. I’m not concerned, or worried. I have a plan. I’m happy.
Lee spent a bunch of time traveling, and I got to go with him, sometimes. Arizona, California. That was all this year too. Those were fun. The other times, staying at home by myself – not so much fun. He almost never travels now, with their last big project thing over in Eastern WA being completed. Phew.
I’m literally looking over my calendar to try to remember everything that happened this year. What a strange year! The summer was a blur. I spent the majority of the year focusing on working out, seeing what kind of progress I could reach – lifting weights at the gym, then barre, both which I love, both which I haven’t seen much of lately. To be continued, soon! On contrast, I did a bunch of baking things this year too — a few really fun baby showers, Megan’s wedding (!) .. lots of special events, and now prepping for Christmas. It’s so much easier to do not-eating; dieting at Christmas is really the best & worst idea I’ve ever tried. I will start the new year off right .. but seriously .. no Christmas cookies is hard work. Luckily I can still make & enjoy them without eating. Or so, that’s the plan.
Lee turned 30! We had our 10 year anniversary! Lee graduated college, and literally almost immediately after had major jaw surgery! Jeesus. No wonder this year is a blur. Those take up so much of my mind, especially the surgery because it’s been such a huge thing, that he’s been working towards for so long (school too). He’s 3 weeks post-op today, which I can’t believe it’s been 3 whole weeks. He’s been eating a little more here & there, but he now officially is allowed more than an all-liquid diet. How grateful I am those 3 weeks went by as fast as they did. I have yet to throw him a party to celebrate finishing school, because it’s all been so busy — and who wants a party recovering from surgery.
And for the record — is time supposed to go by this fast? Let’s talk about this. Jen’s baby is 4 months old! She was already pregnant this time last year. That seems unreal too. Joy has a 14 year old. I’ve been working at NWF for almost 8 years. And most unbelievable — 10 years together?! That’s 7 years since our wedding in 2007. That’s 10 years since I was going to school in Oregon at UO, 10 years since our first date, 10 years. To celebrate, we went out to Canlis – the most breathtaking, beautiful, amazing time of my life. I can’t recommend higher. And not for a casual evening, either — I wore my best dress, I curled my hair & put on fake eyelashes, Lee wore a suit.. and we were absolutely not out of place whatsoever (besides possibly our age; very fancy, very rich people seem to be the norm). The best meal of my life. The best service of my life. We got a bottle of champagne. We were there for probably 3 hours, 4 courses not including unexpected appetizers and an extra dessert with coffee.. I could write another whole post just gushing about this meal. I’ll stop here for now. I can’t imagine how we could ever celebrate anything as special as that, for any other life event. How completely, outrageously lucky am I. To be surrounded with such fortune, and love. With so many wonderful people around me. I love everyone & everything in my life, right now. It has never been any better than it is now, like this. I swear I’m not drunk — oh my gosh, editing this hahaha. I just am honestly so grateful that somehow, I got here.
I’m not sure what exactly I did to get here in my life, but I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Many times throughout my life, I’ve felt as though I had lost my way, felt so unsure about so many things in my life, so many times. I finally feel right where I’m supposed to be. I am so grateful to have that. I belong right where I am, and it’s such a beautiful way to feel. Things are always changing, and everyone recovers and adapts all the time. It’s different for everyone but the theme is always the same. Everyone grows and changes and life is one long attempt to keep up — with trying to understand what you can’t possibly understand, with doing your best to be good and be happy — but I finally feel relaxed about it all, about my path. I am who I want to be.
“I am so into you, I’m into me – too”
Anyway — what a year. I didn’t honestly intend for this to be a year recap post, but it’s been really most of the year that I’ve neglected to write. It all came out. This has been such a year of change & excitement and figuring out who I am and where I want to go and planning more adventures. I am sure as hell excited for next year. I want to do and see & feel and be so much. I have no regrets, everything has gotten me here so I wouldn’t change it at all. Just more to come. I’m excited just to be alive. It’s a nice feeling.
And I’ll update again more soon. Hopefully not before an entire year has passed.
And, friends (and my family, and Lee who is all of those things) – thank you for such happiness and love you bring in my life.