Almost 4 Months

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Hi.

111 days can be converted to one of these units:

  • 9,590,400 seconds
  • 159,840 minutes
  • 2664 hours
  • 111 days
  • 15 weeks and 6 days
  • 30.41% of 2015

I should make time to write, because I love it. I should make time to read, too! Being busy here hasn’t stopped me from buying a book shelf-worth of new (and used) culinary & pastry related books, that I haven’t yet found time to open. Looks nice though. Lol.

How funny how it takes 4 months and a ton of perspective to see how fast life is! I even get clouded and caught up here, stressing about school and work and studying and the weather and finding time to keep in touch and not miss anything here for this very short time I get to be here — and it takes a firm intentional pause to realize how fucking wonderful this all is. It’s incredible. It’s something else, being here.

I should write all about it. I probably should have started months ago.. but it’s ok. I feel like I’ve been here forever. I miss home so much. I don’t know how I’ll ever leave here, in the very same breath. I don’t want anything to stop. New York is amazing. School is exciting every day. I love it all. I love the challenge and the everything new and the new places and new people and learning new things every single day. That’s what I want in my life. And I miss home so much. I’ll be back before I know it — Lee just went back home today (lucky for me he visits all the time) — so I’m reflecting on being back alone, and that of course does make me sad. My least favorite thing about being here is being here alone. But I’ll fill up the time easily, and even finding a moment to write here just a little bit wouldn’t be so bad. It’s already almost September. I’ve missed all of summer. Wow.

This is just a preview. I’ll find more time! I promise!

I miss you all so much. So much!

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2015

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I’m moving to New York City. In a week. The flights are booked. I have (FINGERS CROSSED) a one-bedroom apartment in Greenwich Village to call home, on May 21st. I’ll have to live in a hotel for about a week — not so bad. I’m going to change my life. It is the most exciting, most frightful thing I’ve ever done.

I’m following my dreams. I’m changing my life for the better. I told you I could do it. I just had to do it on my own time. And this was the right time.

I hope, that you are so proud of me. I will miss all of you! I have no idea what’s comes next, or what comes after. I am so excited, but keeping a nice normalcy, to avoid setting any expectations. The best things in my life have come when I had no expectations at all.

I’ve been so busy. I’ve not written really at all this year. I am completely happy. I am more than this. I hope you come and visit me — I’ll make sure you receive your very own invite. It’s a small one bedroom. It’s worth it. Come see what is happening, outside of here. Outside of your ‘here’. It’s a big world. There’s so much to see..

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Upside

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“Upside”

It keeps turning me.
Upside down.
It keeps pulling me.
Underground.

Love is like gravity.
It pulls me down equally.
And draws me back every time.
This love is a heavy kind.

That love is my enemy.
I keep it close. Close to me.
And I forget the pain it caused.
It’s better to have loved and lost.

This love has no alibi.
Still it feeds my appetite.

It keeps turning me.
Upside down.
It keeps pulling me.
Underground.

It keeps turning me.
Upside down.
It keeps pulling me.
Underground.

One and one is always two.
I apologize for how I treated you.
Nonetheless, I believe.
That this will be the death of me.

Sunrise, and nightfall.
I’m back behind. Behind it all.
And I will wait, I will take my time.
Patience is a friend of mine.

Your love has no alibi.
Still I fuel my appetite.

It keeps turning me.
Upside down.
You keep pulling me.
Underground.

It keeps turning me.
Upside down.
It keeps pulling me.
Underground.

Well, consequence haunting me.
Still I follow helplessly.

It keeps turning me, yeah!
Upside down.
You keep pulling me.
Underground.

It keeps turning me, yeah!
Upside down.
Oh, you keep pulling me, yeah!
Underground.

Allen Stone
Upside

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Friday Morning

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Today’s photo theme: temptation, life challenges + resolutions, and really the best post-nutritionist appointment breakfast I could have had. Hahaha. It’s just so good. I’m completely satisfied. And bonus: I have two full weeks now to undo this damage and make more progress until my next appointment.. so, it’s like this never happened. Shhh.

So yeah, hi. I’m never, ever here. Lee was gone for two weeks, and not even once did it occur to me to hop on and do some writing. Last weekend I obsessive-compulsively organized our entire house, including refolding and reorganizing all of the clothes in the dresser, closet including linens, towels and bedding.. got rid of three bags of clothes I haven’t worn or just don’t like anymore, and hung up everything not super-casual into our closet. It’s been very nice living out of a normal, user-friendly closet this week. I also cleaned out and reorganized all of the under-sink-cabinets, in the bathrooms and kitchen.. and I now have my eye on similar rehauls for the living room, dining room, and kitchen next. Kitchen will be most difficult.. that will be last. I also want to rehaul & organize my makeup and beauty/skincare supplies.. and, that will be very last. Lol. I need to mandate a no-buy. I say this with 3 different liquid foundation swatches on my arm, as I’m typing. I have come to the ultimate conclusion that instead of paler makeup, I need a vacation. And a tan.

So anyway, while Lee was gone two weeks for work, besides being bored as hell and keeping house like a good housewife, my brother joined our gym & has been working out with me! .. well, a little bit. Like three times, lol. But it’s been fun teaching someone else my routine, and coaching them through the exercises and movements, helping with form and giving encouragement. I like working out on my own, and it being my own thing (which is why this has been my favorite so far — it’s my time, my music, only competing against myself) — but I can’t lie, I like the company too. I went last night by myself (in a fit of girlish rage, after Lee brought home cinnamon brown sugar pop-tarts, which were explicitly banned from the house). I can report back, working out irrationally pissed off works — I am tired, and sore, and had a really great workout actually. And I’m going to blame the low-carbs on my bad moods over food. Just today at the nutritionist, we casually banned beer from my diet for these next few weeks. I’m going to consider this your warning, to everyone who spends any time around me.

Anyway, I am still following my ICF program, and the more I do it the better I get (I am a big fan of instant gratification, and this is pretty close). I’m happy with all my numbers — I’m up to 150 front squat, 255 deadlift, 80 overhead press, and 90 bench press working sets (along w/ the extra accessory work lifts). The other numbers are great too — the number on the scale, and the number on my jeans, which dropped by 3 inches since my last measurements 2 weeks ago. Honestly I couldn’t be more happy to see results that aren’t just scale based. Overall, I just really like how good I am at lifting weights, and I’m really glad I found something I like so much. And while nobody likes getting stared at when they’re working out, lifting more than the boys who stare is the best, most rewarding feeling (ha ha, I’m stronger than you). At least I know they’re staring because I’m kicking ass, and not because I’m grunting or acting like an idiot, like many of the 4-7pm crowd (I still try to go after 8pm).. or maybe they’re just surprised to see a girl, who knows. I could use some new music, but that’s always an issue. I find something I like with a good beat and good pace, and then listen to it to death, and then despise it, and then cringe every time it plays during my workout playlist. Argh.

For like, general life updates.. we have a bunch going on here around the house, and it’s been nice but hectic getting so much done. It’s never ending, but I’m finally feeling better about the house in general. We have new carpets (so nice) — and other than the break in or two, the dogs aren’t allowed upstairs past the baby gate, haha.. which makes the carpets that much nicer. We have new kitchen counters too, which made such a difference to the entire feeling of the whole house. The sunroom, the painting, all of that got done last year.. new driveway, new fence (just gorgeous).. new windows, new sinks.. new kitchen sink too. My to-do list is still a mile long, which is stressful and frustrating.. but it’s nice to stop and admire all of the work that has gotten done. This year has certainly flown by so far — already March 6th! I missed all last month of writing. I don’t really have much to update today, either.. but, I guess this is more than it’s been for a while, so you’re actually pretty lucky, huh.

The next coming weeks and months will bring lots of change. By the end of this year, I honestly don’t know where we’ll be, it’s to be determined. My future, Lee’s job.. house, kids, moving… it’s almost nice to not have a plan. It’s against my nature.. and it’s a little overwhelming actually. But change is good, and it’s vital — can’t just close my eyes and stay here, and watch as everything else changes around me while I pretend to stay the same. I’m excited for my 30’s. For me, nothing was required of me until I was really an adult, and in my mind, that was when I was 30. I finally feel comfortable in my own skin.. I feel like I changed & grew so much in my 20’s, I would hardly recognize who I used to be. So now, I’m actually a little excited to start this next journey! Although, I’ll just concentrate on making it to 30, first.. but — I think this year will be the best. Not there yet!! I am firmly 29 — just making sure that’s perfectly clear, I’m excited but I’m not rushing into anything! Hahaha. Maybe I should concentrate on finishing work today, first. Hmm. Yeah I guess.

So. I’m going to make more coffee. And stay away from the rest of the cupcakes. Yeeeeah.

 

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Best January Yet

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Man, I love this “Spring in January” weather stuff.

This is a big week. We got our carpets redone — it cost me $1000.00 and it took them less than 4 hours, in and out. Buying new carpet makes me an adult. I thought you’d be pleased to know. I officially made an adult purchase, for the officially-adult house we officially own. And, I’m excited about the new carpet. So.. I’m officially an adult. It happened, at 29. Who knew.

Wait. I have a better idea. I am going to refuse to put the bed and furniture back together, and we will happily live in a lofty pillow fortress until we list the house. So.. never mind about the earlier stuff. It was a pretty short-term feeling. I am a wishy-washy adult. I’ll take it.

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Sunday Football

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Ah for crap’s sakes. I’ve said this before, funny — but my hobbies seriously do not mesh. Monday-Friday afternoon-ish, I’m fucking focused. I’ve got laser vision — I’m on plan. I’m pre-planning meals entire days in advance, hitting nutrition goals, I’ve got my supplement game strong. Friday at noon I went back to crossfit! So pleased with myself.

Then Friday at 4pm.. until about Sunday post-game.. ah, all bets are off.

No fair! I can even do the low-carb beer thing. It’s the choices I make after those low-carb beers. Or, it might be the shots I take post beers. Not sure (note: this weekend doesn’t count.. I haven’t done so many birthday + Seahawks shots since I can’t remember). I’ll need to find a better balance (it’s only week 1) or I’ll have to go full out beer-banned.. I just don’t can’t let it get to that point! I’ll be extra good from now until Superbowl, I swear..

Still a flippin’ GREAT WEEKEND!!!!!

SEAHAWKS!!!

SEAHAWKS!!!

SEAHAWKS!!!

Ah. The sun shining, blue skies.. happy girl. Back to the gym now. Haha.

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No New Years Resolutions

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Hi bros. It’s 2015. This is cool stuff.

January

It’s already midway through January. I started a new program this week, for the new year — I’m working with a nutritionist to try to make the most of my health & fitness goals, so I’m really excited about it. Instead of just a shot in the dark, trying new things without success, I’m truly going to make nutrition the focus (a first) and any additional benefit from all the work in the gym will just be a bonus. And I’m fairly serious about it all — went even as far to take legit before photos, on top of seeing the MD nutritionist with following a formal meal plan. Lee & I are even both getting body fat testing done Saturday morning.

Instead of just hoping and trying to make this work at the gym, I’ve got a real plan and real focus. I’ve always been a 0% diet and 100% exercise kind of girl — or, a 100% diet (which for me, is completely unrealistic for anything other than the short term) — but fat loss is 80% nutrition & 20% fitness, so I’m going to make changes. (Note – who knew beers were so bad for fitness goals.. oh). I’m tired of trying to compensate for poor eating habits with overdoing the exercise bit and failing (or injuring myself, which is failing but worse).

We’re in week 1 of an official 12-week challenge, so I’m committed at least until then, at which point I’ll check back in with progress (maybe sooner). I excited & truly committed. It’s not a new year’s resolution. It’s not even a before-30 resolution. It’s just a new technique towards a never-ending goal.

Bonus: I’m back up to 125# front squats, and 200# deadlift. I took a 18% hit for the 18 weeks I was out of the gym – awesome, right. Neat for math, boo for progress. Now I’m back to 91% of my PR weight, so getting back there.

It’s a new year. How crazy is that. 2015.

I thought I had more to say. I think that’s it for now though. I’ve been struggling a bit to feel happy and motivated and in a good routine, but I am feeling a little better now. Having a plan helps. Seeing how fast time moves is crazy. The things on my calendar stress me out.. but in a good way. I just need to stay on track. Lots to come this year. Updates soon.

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2015 Goals

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Three More Days!

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I should start wrapping presents.

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Yay, Christmastime Things!

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Ok. So I didn’t go to the gym.

But I made cookies!

Success..?

(Yes).

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