“Honest and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.”
Wilfred (US) always shows a quote at the beginning of each episode — I’d taken a pic on my cell phone of this one (dated July 21st, this summer). I got a new phone a month or two ago, and hadn’t cleared out the old one yet — but Lee’s mom was here over Thanksgiving, he was giving her my old phone, and downloaded everything before restoring it back to factory settings. Most of the pics I’d already seen, but I’d forgotten about this one. I am really fond of this quote, of this idea. Vulnerability is, uh.. well, hard. Honesty is hard too. Especially when you say something honest, when you really meant to say nothing at all. I think I embarrass myself more than not (in fact I’m certain of it) — but, at least I don’t regret the things I don’t say.
How I figure it is like this — so what. If you embarrass yourself. So? Embarrassment fades. And if you’re lucky, it fades pretty quick. Everything fades. You will have plenty of future opportunities to embarrass yourself again anyway, in new and exciting ways. And besides, being vulnerable isn’t a bad thing, it’s actually a good thing. You aren’t unprotected, you’re just being yourself, plain and simple, defenses down. You’re trying, and you’re trying to be real, and there’s this great fear of rejection or hurt that stops us from wanting to be vulnerable, but it’s just a tough feeling. Overall, it’s worth the risk. You’ve got to feel the good and bad things if you want to feel anything at all. And at least from my experience, I’d rather feel the bad instead of feeling nothing at all. Feeling nothing at all is by far worse.
Welp – those were my deep thoughts for the day. Moving on!
In other people’s words — this Forbes article is totally worth reading; makes me feel better when (& if) I start to feel any of the items they listed.. which I totally never do, ever. Haha. Ok maybe sometimes. This is also a great article on jealousy, from one of my old favorites. It’s the time of year I like to start thinking of the future, of my new-year-resolutions, of how I want to better myself and improve as I start another year. I’ll add these to my list of who I want to be, my best future-self. This will be my reminder. Better each year.
Umm, in other news — I’m finally not sick! Sure, I lose my breath a little more often than normal. I get tired more quickly. But recovering. 5 weeks later. Ah, but it was fun eh? Eh nope. Not. But spirits are up, summer is absolutely most certainly long gone, BUT NOW IT IS WINTERTIME, Christmas music-playing, decorating, sweater and boot wearing, holiday party, cookie making time — and I love it, love it, forgot-how-much-I-love-it love it.
Let’s see what else. Had friends over on Saturday for games & leftovers, had a great time, had much too much wine to drink, and was very, very happy & excited to see everyone. I’m finally feeling happy with the house, less on the to-do list than the sit-and-enjoy list, which is a wonderful place to be. Lee replaced nearly all the outlets & lights, everything besides the trim in the bathrooms has been painted, the sunroom is nearly complete (now, just our part to do — tile, paint exterior and trim). I cleaned the house impeccably for company — trim, baseboards, window treatments, bleached the interior doors, cupboards & trim — scrubbed the upstairs carpet by hand and vacuumed many, many times — put on new bedding, new pillows, Lee sewed up the ripped (chewed) seam on the couch side, every surface dusted, windexed, oil-treated, washed or vacuumed — seriously, we could list the house now & it’d be ready. I think the combination of pride & fear worked perfectly, getting everything done in time. Lol.
So it’s a very busy time of year. Tomorrow night we have a concert in Seattle, Saturday another party, next weekend a birthday party & a day-trip to Portland Sunday to meet up with friends; the following weekend I made Christmas date plans at Hotel Andra (which is one of my favorite December traditions, excited) — then already, Christmas! And then New Years, January brings school (which I’ve already started the nightmares — ahh, oh yay). Tonight is game night, headed to Prudell’s after work — a lot to look forward to.
Happy December friends!!