Ok. So I didn’t go to the gym.
But I made cookies!
Hi. It’s come to my attention that 1.) I’ve somehow lost the media from my older WP posts, and 2.) that I really don’t update much. I was trying to find my last lift stats (after I realized my photos on my “about me” were gone — and then deciding I should update my “about me” page) .. and the last (and only) time I posted them was back in May. Which doesn’t really matter, because according to Instagram (which at the time, I was relying on to keep track of my workouts), the last time I did any weights workouts was 16 weeks ago — in August, a few weeks after I started barre3.
Which I finished on October 20th.
Which ultimately means I haven’t worked out in 2 months.
So. Everything is making sense now.
A little fact about me: I can decently maintain a fair balance between eating whatever I want (often, in excess — if not quantity, then at least in quality — high calorie quality) as long as I’m equally working my ass off, on a near daily basis, which is something I actually very much enjoy doing. Working out is my favorite “me” time — I love the endorphins, I crave the undeniable easily measured success — each day I go, I’m better. And I love that.
I don’t like eating healthy. 10 years with Lee, I literally don’t know how to eat small portions (I’m trying to learn, really). He can eat anything, so I think I can too. So when I stop working out, things go nuts, and quick. I can literally lose 30 lbs in a month, when I’m really trying. I wouldn’t be surprised if that goes the other way, too.
So.. why the long break? The last 2 months have been busy. Honest. I stopped going to barre3 just right before we went to Florida (which was when my month promo expired). Unfortunately, prices go up from 100.00/month unlimited (new clients) to 170.00/month unlimited, after that first month. Even going nearly every day (I was at 25 days for the month, so 1x a week off-day) I mentally can’t justify 170.00/month. We still have a gym membership (which is like 17.00/month). I still have 5 months pre-paid at crossfit (which I really should do… fear, gah). I love barre3, but can’t.
Two weeks after I got back from Florida, Lee had surgery. Now it’s been 4 weeks (crazy) and for the most part, we’ve both just been taking it easy. The first two weeks were rough. Then it was Thanksgiving. Just now has he started getting back to normal, but he still can’t really workout like he used to, yet — so it’s just not been on my mind. It’s not a great excuse, but either way — looking at a calendar really puts time into perspective! I really had no idea it’d been this long.
So, now that I found the dates, and found the numbers (whoo-hoo) — you can see my starting weights, the 4-week update (May 22nd), and then at 12 weeks after that, in bold (Aug 2014):
Note: I changed from StrongLifts (SL) to Ice Cream Fitness (ICF) around early August, so I didn’t really have much time between starting (3 full rounds, A&B) before I took my break — but ICF has 8 different exercises on Workout A, and 7 on Workout B (so significantly more work, and a longer workout). I went down on a few stats (*) actually, when I switched over — I adjusted my posture to correct form/technique, which took me down a bit (but overall was much better).
|Bench Press||5||5 90|
|Bent Over Row||5||5 125|
|Barbell Shrugs||3||8 125|
|Tricep Extensions||3||8 ‘7’ plate|
|Straight Bar or Incline Curls||3||8 45|
|Hyperextensions with plate||2||10 25|
|Cable Crunches||3||10 ‘7’ plate|
|Standing Press||5||5 80|
|Bent Over Row (10% lighter than Workout A)||5||5 110|
|Close Grip Bench Press||3||8 70|
|Straight Bar or Incline Curls||3||8 45|
|Cable Crunches||3||10 ‘7’ plate|
So — moral of the story — besides my fitness stat updates (and lack thereof)? Back to the gym today!! I’ll try to update more often on how it’s going, maybe post some before & after pics if I’m feeling particularly swole. Hahaha. I am about halfway through my go-to diet/cleanse, which I know will affect my numbers just as much as a 8 week break will (16 weeks if you count last time I did this workout) .. but gotta start somewhere! Bonus: not drinking (really) should help — the one & only true benefit of this diet. This clean eating stuff.. ugh.
But — I’ll have that head start for next year. The year I’ll turn 30. Ah, shit.
Ha — you can thank these two (2 — count ‘em!) posts today, brought to you by my drafts folder. Past-me had some things to say, and promptly forgot all about them. The others were deleted, but this one was good enough & still relevant enough to share. I like other people’s things! Enjoy.
I don’t write enough. But I still collect my favorite words online. Here are some of them.
“ If you’re nice to an animal, it loves you for life. If you’re nice to a person, who the fuck knows what’s gonna happen. ”
“ I knew it wasn’t too important, but it made me sad anyway. ”
“ Who, in your life, do you remember most fondly, with the most undeniable feelings of warmth?
Those who were kindest to you, I bet. ”
– George Saunders, The Importance of Kindness
“ One day, a long time from now you’ll cease to care anymore whom you please or what anybody has to say about you. ”
“ Your life has thus far been defined by idiots. ”
– Magnificent Ruin
“ Love is brutal
when it’s done right ”
– Love is…
“ Let’s just find people with exactly the same faults we have, criticize them unmercifully, and see what they do. We could learn something. ”
This pleases me to no end. I’m not sure why, except maybe I feel more justified, or more sure of myself. Even in 2010, I didn’t quite feel sure of who I was. It makes me happy that I feel much more sure now, and that I’m still me. It’s not that I’ve changed really at all, just evolved more into who I am & who I’m comfortable being. What a relief. To not always feel like I should be something else. I’m decently neat, you know. Just being me. And note: I am much, much more happy now than I was in 2010! Funny that I was still writing here, then.
So going from there – it’s been a heck of a month! And a last few months. And this year! I honestly can’t believe that the beginning of this year was still part of this year. I mean, shit. In January I was just getting over pneumonia (the sickest I’ve ever been, ever) and then I immediately hurt myself & dealt with that for months. For the most part, it doesn’t bother me at all anymore — how amazing is that. What a relief. Not like I’ve been doing crossfit (or even.. anything.. ah, shit). But, it’s nice not to hurt. For months there, I would literally lay on the floor at work, to try to relax the pain a bit. I was hazy on pain killers. It was a weird few months, there. I spent a lot of time seeing different doctors. Trying a (scammy) chiropractor — would not recommend. X-rays. I went to an old Chinese acupuncturist, on Valentine’s day. His office was like grandma’s house. Saw a spine doctor, had a super fun MRI — both my mom & Lee went with me. It was neat. I felt special. Haha. Yeah, so weird — that was my life earlier this year.
I started school (!). I switched schools (?). I’ve honestly spent a little less time with school than I planned, lately. It’s all a work in process. I’m not concerned, or worried. I have a plan. I’m happy.
Lee spent a bunch of time traveling, and I got to go with him, sometimes. Arizona, California. That was all this year too. Those were fun. The other times, staying at home by myself – not so much fun. He almost never travels now, with their last big project thing over in Eastern WA being completed. Phew.
I’m literally looking over my calendar to try to remember everything that happened this year. What a strange year! The summer was a blur. I spent the majority of the year focusing on working out, seeing what kind of progress I could reach – lifting weights at the gym, then barre, both which I love, both which I haven’t seen much of lately. To be continued, soon! On contrast, I did a bunch of baking things this year too — a few really fun baby showers, Megan’s wedding (!) .. lots of special events, and now prepping for Christmas. It’s so much easier to do not-eating; dieting at Christmas is really the best & worst idea I’ve ever tried. I will start the new year off right .. but seriously .. no Christmas cookies is hard work. Luckily I can still make & enjoy them without eating. Or so, that’s the plan.
Lee turned 30! We had our 10 year anniversary! Lee graduated college, and literally almost immediately after had major jaw surgery! Jeesus. No wonder this year is a blur. Those take up so much of my mind, especially the surgery because it’s been such a huge thing, that he’s been working towards for so long (school too). He’s 3 weeks post-op today, which I can’t believe it’s been 3 whole weeks. He’s been eating a little more here & there, but he now officially is allowed more than an all-liquid diet. How grateful I am those 3 weeks went by as fast as they did. I have yet to throw him a party to celebrate finishing school, because it’s all been so busy — and who wants a party recovering from surgery.
And for the record — is time supposed to go by this fast? Let’s talk about this. Jen’s baby is 4 months old! She was already pregnant this time last year. That seems unreal too. Joy has a 14 year old. I’ve been working at NWF for almost 8 years. And most unbelievable — 10 years together?! That’s 7 years since our wedding in 2007. That’s 10 years since I was going to school in Oregon at UO, 10 years since our first date, 10 years. To celebrate, we went out to Canlis – the most breathtaking, beautiful, amazing time of my life. I can’t recommend higher. And not for a casual evening, either — I wore my best dress, I curled my hair & put on fake eyelashes, Lee wore a suit.. and we were absolutely not out of place whatsoever (besides possibly our age; very fancy, very rich people seem to be the norm). The best meal of my life. The best service of my life. We got a bottle of champagne. We were there for probably 3 hours, 4 courses not including unexpected appetizers and an extra dessert with coffee.. I could write another whole post just gushing about this meal. I’ll stop here for now. I can’t imagine how we could ever celebrate anything as special as that, for any other life event. How completely, outrageously lucky am I. To be surrounded with such fortune, and love. With so many wonderful people around me. I love everyone & everything in my life, right now. It has never been any better than it is now, like this. I swear I’m not drunk — oh my gosh, editing this hahaha. I just am honestly so grateful that somehow, I got here.
I’m not sure what exactly I did to get here in my life, but I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Many times throughout my life, I’ve felt as though I had lost my way, felt so unsure about so many things in my life, so many times. I finally feel right where I’m supposed to be. I am so grateful to have that. I belong right where I am, and it’s such a beautiful way to feel. Things are always changing, and everyone recovers and adapts all the time. It’s different for everyone but the theme is always the same. Everyone grows and changes and life is one long attempt to keep up — with trying to understand what you can’t possibly understand, with doing your best to be good and be happy — but I finally feel relaxed about it all, about my path. I am who I want to be.
Anyway — what a year. I didn’t honestly intend for this to be a year recap post, but it’s been really most of the year that I’ve neglected to write. It all came out. This has been such a year of change & excitement and figuring out who I am and where I want to go and planning more adventures. I am sure as hell excited for next year. I want to do and see & feel and be so much. I have no regrets, everything has gotten me here so I wouldn’t change it at all. Just more to come. I’m excited just to be alive. It’s a nice feeling.
And I’ll update again more soon. Hopefully not before an entire year has passed.
And, friends (and my family, and Lee who is all of those things) – thank you for such happiness and love you bring in my life.
Holy shit. Hi! Life is ridiculously busy, and I’ve pretty much lost track of time, completely. Lee had his surgery 2 weeks ago Monday, and we’ve both pretty much been chilling at home. But — tonight we have a show! *coughcough-see-above* .. I’m pretty excited.
Happy .. December!! It’s December!
I’ll write something later. Promise.
10 years. I have fallen in love with you all over again. Again, and again.
Love stories -
I would suffer through the worst of it all over again, just to feel this way about you. I will spend the rest of my life loving you, being grateful for you, thankful for you. Thank you, for this life. Everything good about my life is from loving you — I am so blessed. How fast have 10 years gone by! So many adventures already, so many more left. Thank you for spending them all with me.
You are my best friend. You are the love of my life.
I am so lucky I found you so early. Think of how much we still have left to explore, together.
I love you.
And I wish you could have let me know
What’s really going on below
I’ve lost you now, you let me go
But one last time
Tell me you love me
If you don’t then lie
Lie to me
And call it true
Call it true love
Call it true
Call it true love
A beautiful song, with literally no other meaning, other than it being on a playlist I’m listening to (while procrastinating over everything else I should be doing.. like eating dinner.. or making a cake). I usually am not physically at my computer at nights, or even during the week, much at all other than work. It’s different, and it’s nice. But that might just be the procrastination talking.
Damn, I’m really not a Coldplay fan, I swear! But now this song is on, this same playlist. From 2000?? What is the world coming to! — 2000, huh. It definitely takes me back. Ah. So sweet.
It’s 8pm. I have so much to do. I’d just so much rather have a glass of wine. I wonder if I could pull that. Dinner first. Then if I start baking before 10pm.. then wine. Ok. Deal.
“Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us.” — Pablo Neruda
One of my most favorite quotes. I always feel relieved when I see this. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed, with anxiety, over things I can’t control or change. Anxious, when looking at an unsure future, just like everyone else has. I don’t like not knowing. But not everything is up to me, or mine to control. I don’t have to be perfect, or have a perfect life. I don’t even have to have an idea of what I’m doing. I can move on, move along — which is what everyone else does, naturally. My life doesn’t have to be this fight. I can be happy as is. This helps remind me.
When I feel alone, all I want to do is continue being alone. It makes me feel back in control. When it’s my choice, it’s not so bad. I can be alone. I can be happy alone, even. I feel pretty alone. I’m learning the rest.
WordPress tells me this morning –
“Happy Anniversary! You registered on WordPress.com 5 years ago!”
I didn’t realize it was even October until I got to work.
5 years. That’s insane.
I felt a little weird this morning anyway. Now I just feel sad.
Ugh. I am so sentimental.